me vs. me

i disappeared.

i am cleopatra.

i am in love with ashley.

i am swimming.

vast and cryptic

i'm currently deep conditioning my hair with olive oil. ew right? but it will be so silky smooth afterwards.
i need more sleep or more energy. something like that. i sleep all day and then can't sleep at night.
i want ashley and mary to come back from bonnaroo. i miss them.
i want to see my sisters baby when its born. even if it is an alien at first.
i want the full mountain goats "all hail west texas" album.
i want a boyfriend.
i want more money.
i want more clothing.
i want to read a billion books all at once.
i want to own all the books i read so i can have a great library.
i want you to love me like you used to.
i want my utah friends here with me so they can see that i AM happier here.
i want to run.
i want to hide.
i want.
i want.
i want.
i bitch.
i moan.
i'm annoying.
i'm sorry.

i was happier then

i hate that joe left right when we just became friends again.

just like old times. but my arms are fatter.

wait just a minute!

i love when random noises or smells or even feelings bring back strong vivid memories. today as i was driving to work, i held my left hand outside the window till it was freezing cold and held my right hand in front of the heater inside the car. then, at the stop light, i held them both together, cold hand covering hot hand, and i was overwhelmed by memories of mexico. that one night that we were at the beach and we held some parrots. i don't remember much about that night, just the parrots, and that's what i remembered. a strange thing to be reminded of by that random feeling.

we gave chester away today. i haven't cried yet but i've been close several times. i really will miss that cat.

i'm glad for all my teachers being so helpful about my attendance and make up work. thank goodness for gem teachers.

having ashleigh here has actually made me realize how much i love and miss jaxon. i guess because of all the memories we've been talking about and all the things she has told me that i didn't ever know. like how he would talk about me to his friends. or how sam would always ask him how "things with trish" were. or how he told ashleigh she wasn't allowed to meet me if she called me breezy. yeah, i miss him.

i miss this. a lot.