sleep apnea.

I NEED TO SLEEP OR HOW ELSE WILL I GO TO GERMAN CLASS TOMORROW?

i'm watching americas funniest home videos right now. a man just had to saw apart his la-z-boy chair because his son's head got stuck in it. he looked like adam sandler. maybe it was him. i don't care how many of these are set up. they are still HILarious.


i love the plan of salvation and knowing that my gramps is in a much better place, out of pain, and i can be with him again. amanda and i think that gramps and president hinckley are mission companions in the spirit world and they are teaching amanda's grandmother. they are just having a party up there! what fun! i stole the pic from jen because i think it perfectly portrays my grandfather.

and, as i always like to look for the silver lining: i talked to my mom today! i told her i love her! she told me to take care! so what if she only called to inform me of my grandfather's passing? its a start, no? i really do love her. even though i get mad when i hang up and she doesn't say she loves me and i call her a dumb ho. its just because i need her to tell me she loves me for me to know. we have completely different ways of showing and feeling love i think. i like to hear and feel it with hugs and words of confirmation. she likes to see it through caring actions and service. neither are bad. just different. i think its good for me to understand this. i can't wait to tell my therapist and see if he agrees!

we've still got time

A few things made my day today:

1. Therapist. He was so understanding and kind and as new and different as that whole situation was for me, I think I liked it.

2. Dad! Oh my. Can that man be any more in tune with the spirit? I think not! I received a wonderful email from him today that said absolutely EVERY thing that I needed to hear. Without me even telling him that I was having a hard time! "Mom has a real self-image problem and takes things way too personally. Do not think poorly of yourself - you are a wonderful YW and we love you. I think mom grew up being told she was no good and for some reason believed it." My father is the most wonderful man I know.

3. Radiohead- Idioteque. I know I've talked about this song maybe a million times before either on here or in real life or whatever. But WHOA. It does not stop changing my life. Never never.

4. The Band- The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down. Thanks Mike. Amazing.

5. Writing my personal narrative. Somehow, writing about Ashley's accident really put everything that I'm feeling into perspective. I mean, sure I'm having some rough times, but I'm not paralyzed or handicapped in any way. Ashley is and somehow, that child is the most kind, loving, caring, happy, beautiful little girl I have ever and probably will ever meet. She is an inspiration for me.