all new tonight

getting older feels like i'm getting younger.

i'm ready for me to be me/you to be you/us to be us.

me vs. me

i disappeared.

i am cleopatra.

i am in love with ashley.

i am swimming.

i'm back to wondering

i'm sorry.
its just one of those days. i can handle it when its just a regular day but on a day like this, it hurts like hell.
you hurt me like hell.
and then all i want is to hurt you the way you hurt me. i'm sorry that i want to hurt you like that.
i wish you knew how you affect me. i wish i had even the slightest bit of that same power over you.
i wish i could justify not saying any of this to you.

christ jesus don't you leave us

look at me! i'm back to blogging 3000 times a month! woohoo! actually just twice in two days. don't get too excited.

i just wish that i could reassure everyone that they don't have to worry about me. i know thats a hard thing for me to wish because of what i've done in the past but REALLY, i can see a change in myself that i know is for the better. so if that is reassuring to anyone, i'm glad.

vast and cryptic

i'm currently deep conditioning my hair with olive oil. ew right? but it will be so silky smooth afterwards.
i need more sleep or more energy. something like that. i sleep all day and then can't sleep at night.
i want ashley and mary to come back from bonnaroo. i miss them.
i want to see my sisters baby when its born. even if it is an alien at first.
i want the full mountain goats "all hail west texas" album.
i want a boyfriend.
i want more money.
i want more clothing.
i want to read a billion books all at once.
i want to own all the books i read so i can have a great library.
i want you to love me like you used to.
i want my utah friends here with me so they can see that i AM happier here.
i want to run.
i want to hide.
i want.
i want.
i want.
i bitch.
i moan.
i'm annoying.
i'm sorry.

dayum.

timing

i got my hairz cut.
short short short.
but not
damaged damaged damaged.
win win win.

rose garden memories

i'm now living with the devereux's. i wonder if ashley still reads my blog now that i live with her. i'm just trying to figure things out and take it easy while i get better. work and play thats all i want. no stress or anything. things are good with my parents right now. i like how it feels not living there.

i also like when people take pictures on my photobooth so i can look at them later and laaaaugh.

every notion

handcuffed, ambulance, and spent the night in the hospital all within 24 hours.

important updates: i am alive and better and have been discharged so if you want to call me, you can and i will explain everything.