bah de dah de dah dah

awful awful awful. no one should even treat their close friends that way and for some reason i hardly saw it coming. i definitely considered the possibility, but i also just thought it was different. i thought he was different. i thought i was different. he's not, i'm not, it wasn't.

work is new and good. tina from work is new and good. hanging out with tina from work is new and good. i need to go shower and then hopefully tina will be off work and we can go do shtuff.

today was the worst day to work because i had to wake up early and there were maybe 5 sales for the whole 4 1/2 hours i was there. which obviously means no tips. none. which means i made about $20 today. i would have rather paid pete $20 to sleep. dannnnng.

my bank account balance is $979.97. i think thats higher than it ever was all summer.

blips

virginia is so beautiful. yesterday i went to bears den for about 4 hours and i've never felt so comfortable sitting on giant rocks. leave to want ever don't i.

i have a bad habit of twisting words and sentences and looks and phone calls and texts and emails and facebook comments and conversations that i am not a part of into something they really aren't. and i don't always make them into things i want to hear as much as things i absolutely do not want to hear. paranoid. destroyed. schizoid. null and void.

my life is currently in retrograde. reliving freshman year at college in so many different ways. depending on whether i am accepted or not, i'll be at a new school; the friends that i tried to kick out of my life during sophomore year are here to stay; even my attitude towards life is back in freshman mode.

me vs. me

i disappeared.

i am cleopatra.

i am in love with ashley.

i am swimming.

rose garden memories

i'm now living with the devereux's. i wonder if ashley still reads my blog now that i live with her. i'm just trying to figure things out and take it easy while i get better. work and play thats all i want. no stress or anything. things are good with my parents right now. i like how it feels not living there.

i also like when people take pictures on my photobooth so i can look at them later and laaaaugh.

i was happier then

i hate that joe left right when we just became friends again.

just like old times. but my arms are fatter.

so real!

i went to a farewell dinner/party for joe tonight. it was good seeing all my old friends. i really missed joe and ashley.

nothing really happens in my life these days. i work and eat and sleep and thats about it. that's why my blog is so boring! sorry!

memoirs of a 19 year old

i'm back from the beach! it was beautiful for the last half of the week. overall, it was a great vacation. plenty of people around for when i didn't want to be alone. and plenty of rooms in the house for when i didn't want to be around people. i did buy some tanning lotion that i thought would get me a great tan, but it instead got me a great allergic reaction because it had carrot juice in it. why didn't i look for that! oh yeah maybe because i shouldn't have to look for CARROT juice in tanning oil right?!

my birthday was alright. i talked to aubrey on my computer through skype which is the greatest invention i never knew about. then today when i got home, there was a lovely package from andrea which made me homesick.

here are three things i want to do which cost lots of money i don't have:
1. visit aubrey in vienna.
2. visit andrea in the dominican republic.
3. go on a mission.
arcs.

p.s. on the way to the beach, i saw a sign that said "i got my crabs from dirty dick's crab house." HAHAHA. funny. i LOLed.

whats wrong with the world?

tuesday sushi meets for guru's.
brunch club meets for dinner.
movie night meets for mid-afternoon.

love's a game

my parents are here now. i've been living each day one at a time waiting for them to get here. and now they are here and i don't know what to make my next checkpoint. when they leave? when i leave? i would make it for when i leave but i have no idea when that will be. i wish i had a specific day but everything is just so up in the air right now.

blah blahblah.

i like having friends that i just only know online. hahaha. it feels kinda creepy but also kinda new age and hip.

i'm so new age and hip! HAH.

in other news, i'm freezing to death in my own house! brrrrr.

strange form of life

so, i have gone back to being a vegetarian. i have been for about 3-4 weeks. [i don't remember exactly, but brunch club probably does.] its not hard at all for me to not eat meat. i don't miss anything except for sometimes steak. but i don't miss chicken or anything like that. also, andrea has been so helpful and she makes me the best food when i'm too tired to get off the couch. today she made tofu stir-fry and it was the exact perfect blend of spicy and delicious. sooo good. thanks ponybear!

dear sons and daughters

i love the relationship of "best friend." someone that is always there for you, there to cheer you up when you fail a test, there to bad mouth your ex when you get dumped, there to sit on a couch, eat ice cream, and watch lifetime with you when you're lonely. tonight i was my own best friend. i liked that just as much. [i really am embracing being alone and i'm beginning to become a recluse.] i went to macey's and luckily found this delicious ice cream.

toasted coconut sesame brittle.

i think that basically all the best friends i have ever had, minus a few, i have ruined by being TOO much of a best friend and then getting angry when they don't return the gestures. not that they aren't also being my best friend- just that i do so much that they don't even ask for and expect equal if not more in return.

congrats to my two best friends who i haven't managed to hate so far!

its all nice on ice

i hate that i have no best friend when i need one the most. when i need to spill and cry and complain and have my best friend encourage me and tell me that i'm worth more than that. everyone's too busy or too far away or too much of the actual problem.

g.d.