just like a ride!

i am on fire. the best kind of fire you can be on.
red hot.
floating through the day on a cloud of smoke.
suspended in air just above my rocky reality.

it doesn't bother me that i'm just avoiding the crap aspect of my life. it doesn't embarrass me to admit that i'm simply evading the more important aspects in my life. if i can always feel this great, i'm never going to worry about real life again.

blips

virginia is so beautiful. yesterday i went to bears den for about 4 hours and i've never felt so comfortable sitting on giant rocks. leave to want ever don't i.

i have a bad habit of twisting words and sentences and looks and phone calls and texts and emails and facebook comments and conversations that i am not a part of into something they really aren't. and i don't always make them into things i want to hear as much as things i absolutely do not want to hear. paranoid. destroyed. schizoid. null and void.

my life is currently in retrograde. reliving freshman year at college in so many different ways. depending on whether i am accepted or not, i'll be at a new school; the friends that i tried to kick out of my life during sophomore year are here to stay; even my attitude towards life is back in freshman mode.

it's so nice

everywhere you could look i have little notes that i've written to myself. maybe i wrote it because i needed a pickmeup and could only get it from myself. maybe i wrote it because i needed to say something so badly but couldn't say it out loud. maybe i wrote it because my voice stopped working and i don't think you could hear me if i tried anyways. maybe i wrote it because if i had opened my mouth i would have ended up screaming. maybe i wrote it just to distract myself from what my hands could do if they weren't writing. either way, i wish i could share them with you. whenever i'm talking to myself i'd always rather be talking to you.

regrets III: let it be

my blog feels cramped and crowded.

my best blog-worthy thoughts always come while i am driving. i wish i could blog and drive at the same time but i have a hard enough time listening to music and driving at the same time.

i semi-like that my dad reads my blog and i know about it but i also mostly hate it. [don't feel bad dad!] and that right there is the reason why. i feel like i have to censor my feelings or thoughts because i don't want him to read it. but i semi-like it because i think its about time my dad knew some of my thoughts and feelings. [right dad!?]

i haven't updated in a while and i hate when that happens because then i don't know how to start again.

manda said that my blog sometimes reminds her of a younger version of herself. so now i feel all this conflicting pressure to: a. either prove to her that i am myself and unique! or b. that my blog is more like a younger version of her than she thinks. !!!

a day in the life of Dr. Joel Evans

every patient gets the same couple jokes:
- something about sue being overbearing and a gossip.
- "against your better efforts, we're gonna let you keep these teeth."
- something sarcastic to let the patient know i am his daughter.
- a joke about how/why he makes up different names for his instruments.

every break he plays the same couple games:
- online scrabble.
- online games that are scrabble related: including games that require you to find words amongst letters.

exported

do you ever try to think of everything?
i usually start with the grocery store.
apples.
bananas.
chips.
bread.
zucchini.
wine.
then i move on to department stores, like sears.
tshirts.
shoes.
boots.
toaster oven.
blender.
lawn mower.
i think its impossible but i try.

babies everywhere

since she hasn't blogged about it yet:

jen's having a baby!!!!!

yeah right now.

mcmoney

yesterday i made 100$ cold hard cash by drinking 5 mcmilkshakes.

i'm disgusting but also 100$ richer.

totally worth it.