you'd think that it was my job to break computers. i'm borrowing aubrey's while she works. [thank you baby.]
i should call jen. we need some good times together.
i keep having vivid dreams that all have one thing in common: i'm smoking cigarettes. i've been having them for about 2 weeks. the smoking part is the most vivid part of the dreams. one dream, all i remember is buying cigarettes and smoking the whole pack. was there more to the dream than me just buying them and standing outside of the 7-11 and smoking them? if there was, i don't remember it a bit.
November 30, 2007
November 28, 2007
it only happens when i drink
panic attacks seem to come frequently these days. luckily they only seem to last for a few moments before i begin to not care about the outcome of my life once more.
i talked to dad today and he said he was considering taking me off his insurance. thats when i realized that i do not want to grow up at this point. i'm just a little girl! i then proceeded to beg my dad not to make me grow up. and he said that from the time i was 14, all i wanted was to grow up and now i'm there and i don't want it anymore. so true. you always want what you can't have.
while watching tv with april and andrea, i said something along the lines of changing my blog into one in which i just make fun of people. i said that completely seriously but i realized that i don't want to be that person. i don't want to be the person that makes fun of how others dress anymore. does it really matter anyways?
i saw a commercial about how some girls in africa have to miss up to a week of school each month because of their periods. this causes them to get wayy behind in school and many are forced to drop out. it was a commercial for always pads... they said that now when you buy always brand pads, a portion of the money will be donated to helping those girls be able to go to school. i wanted to go to the store and buy every pad there. good advertising?
freerice.com has taken over my time on the internet for that same reason.
i want to change the world. i'm tired of being upset about how things are and being too apathetic to actually do anything.
andrea in a nutshell... or a backseat... or a picture.
i talked to dad today and he said he was considering taking me off his insurance. thats when i realized that i do not want to grow up at this point. i'm just a little girl! i then proceeded to beg my dad not to make me grow up. and he said that from the time i was 14, all i wanted was to grow up and now i'm there and i don't want it anymore. so true. you always want what you can't have.
while watching tv with april and andrea, i said something along the lines of changing my blog into one in which i just make fun of people. i said that completely seriously but i realized that i don't want to be that person. i don't want to be the person that makes fun of how others dress anymore. does it really matter anyways?
i saw a commercial about how some girls in africa have to miss up to a week of school each month because of their periods. this causes them to get wayy behind in school and many are forced to drop out. it was a commercial for always pads... they said that now when you buy always brand pads, a portion of the money will be donated to helping those girls be able to go to school. i wanted to go to the store and buy every pad there. good advertising?
freerice.com has taken over my time on the internet for that same reason.
i want to change the world. i'm tired of being upset about how things are and being too apathetic to actually do anything.
andrea in a nutshell... or a backseat... or a picture.
November 27, 2007
bizarre love triangle
the cold air always makes me want a cute boy to cuddle up with. its just not fair that i can't find one. i think i don't go about looking for one in the right way. i mean obviously i'm the one doing something wrong... right?
i've been sick both nights in a row so far this week and right now my spleen is exploding i think... so that means 3 nights in a row. WHAT IS WRONG?? i would go to a doctor but my dad got mad at me last time i went.
i have a huge research paper due on thursday but for some reason i can't get myself to worry about anything other than my social life and health. i haven't even started that paper. its about the church's stand on animal rights. pretty easy i would say.
sometimes my e-boyf says the cutest things and then i wish that i was actually in a relationship with him because he'd be one bangin' boyfriend. but then i remember that i don't actually know him... i just like the cute fake things we say to each other.
krislyn, aubrey, and i just went to SLC with nate and jeff to look at the lights and eat some food. we went to the red iguana for food. delish. it was a fun spontaneous thing to do. it was snowing up there too which was one of the reasons we wanted to go.
i have a stalker but today i think he finally got the hint... i shafted him for the 5th time. i hope he got it but i can no haz guarantee because he didnt get the first 4 shafts... so who knows.
i've been sick both nights in a row so far this week and right now my spleen is exploding i think... so that means 3 nights in a row. WHAT IS WRONG?? i would go to a doctor but my dad got mad at me last time i went.
i have a huge research paper due on thursday but for some reason i can't get myself to worry about anything other than my social life and health. i haven't even started that paper. its about the church's stand on animal rights. pretty easy i would say.
sometimes my e-boyf says the cutest things and then i wish that i was actually in a relationship with him because he'd be one bangin' boyfriend. but then i remember that i don't actually know him... i just like the cute fake things we say to each other.
krislyn, aubrey, and i just went to SLC with nate and jeff to look at the lights and eat some food. we went to the red iguana for food. delish. it was a fun spontaneous thing to do. it was snowing up there too which was one of the reasons we wanted to go.
i have a stalker but today i think he finally got the hint... i shafted him for the 5th time. i hope he got it but i can no haz guarantee because he didnt get the first 4 shafts... so who knows.
November 25, 2007
highlights
i went tramping through the snow in Idaho before we left. I love snow and it was such a beautiful day. I wish I could find my computer/camera hookup cord so that i could upload pictures and show the beautiful snow.
then i came home and reunited with my besties.
i went shopping with aubrey, ashley, and alyssa at gateway. i got some pants and sunglasses. i feel reaaaal good about that.
last night we went to a hardcore show on center street in a tattoo parlor. it was fun. took me back to high school and joe, lisa, and matt introducing me to new hardcore bands. it was just local bands but i liiiiiiked it.
once again, pictures would be really nice in here.
i think my phone is broken because nobody is answering my texts or calls. the obvious reason for that is not that nobody wants to talk to me... its that my phone is broken.
then i came home and reunited with my besties.
i went shopping with aubrey, ashley, and alyssa at gateway. i got some pants and sunglasses. i feel reaaaal good about that.
last night we went to a hardcore show on center street in a tattoo parlor. it was fun. took me back to high school and joe, lisa, and matt introducing me to new hardcore bands. it was just local bands but i liiiiiiked it.
once again, pictures would be really nice in here.
i think my phone is broken because nobody is answering my texts or calls. the obvious reason for that is not that nobody wants to talk to me... its that my phone is broken.
November 20, 2007
raincheck
Idaho for Thanksgiving! It feels good to be in an actual house with an actual family where actual food is cooked. Mmm.
My dad emailed me this morning and said he was really mad at me for going to the health center because they don't take our insurance and now he has to pay for the whole thing. DAD! You did not tell me they didn't take our insurance! I have been going there since I came to BYU! How would I know?! So I guess I'll just have to wait it out and he'll be un-mad at me. The unfortunate part is that I probably won't get money from him for a while. Which just reminds me how much I need a job. And how much a car would help me get a job.
I'm stealing internet from Krislyn's neighbor right now but it's not working too wonderfully.
My dad emailed me this morning and said he was really mad at me for going to the health center because they don't take our insurance and now he has to pay for the whole thing. DAD! You did not tell me they didn't take our insurance! I have been going there since I came to BYU! How would I know?! So I guess I'll just have to wait it out and he'll be un-mad at me. The unfortunate part is that I probably won't get money from him for a while. Which just reminds me how much I need a job. And how much a car would help me get a job.
I'm stealing internet from Krislyn's neighbor right now but it's not working too wonderfully.
November 18, 2007
beautiful boys
Sometimes new friends are just what you need. Not that you need to get rid of your old friends... you just need new faces and new humors and new laughs.
Adam used to call me trishaface which makes it weird that I named this thing trishaface since I don't really like to think about any of the parts of mine and Adam's relationship that isn't just friends like now. I hate that he's not the kind of guy I would normally like but for some reason I did. He doesn't look or dress like guys that I like, and he most certainly does not act like boys that I like. He is self conscious and yet arrogant... constantly digging for compliments. So insecure that he needs to beg me for compliments but those don't make any difference to him because he is still insanely insecure. Will this blog forever haunt me and remind me of those strange strange days when I became horribly attached to a boy I hardly knew?
As I type, the letters are showing up about a word behind the speed that I am typing them. Its a weird feeling to not see the word you just typed for a while.
I want to get rid of 'Breezy.' I'm tired of having to explain that its just a nickname. One I don't even want. I gave it to myself but now hearing people call me that is a cringe. I wonder if people ever feel that way about the nicknmaes that I give them. I tend to give nicknames a lot. I think its because I like feeling really close to people and nicknames are the best way I know how. Where do nicknames even come from? I've had quite a few nicknames throughout my life. I can't think of one that I would still be okay with people calling me. I guess Trisha is a nickname from Patricia and thats okay.
I think part of my problem this semester is that I'm afraid to let other boys in because I dont want to like any of them as much as I like/d Jaxon. Lately though, I've been thinking a lot about whether I really loved Jaxon as much as I made myself think I did or whether it was just a relationship I needed at that point. I don't want to think that because honestly I still feel those lovely feelings for him and I want to think that that really is love as deep as it gets and that I don't have to worry about never falling in love because I have already. But then I don't want to trick myself into thinking that and never allowing myself to really truly fall in love if that wasn't it. Sometimes when I get to thinking about all this lovey dovey stuff, I get all panicky inside [like I do when I think about what I want to major in...] and then I just need to clear my mind and remind myself that I am 19... still a teenager! and I have so much time to figure out all my feelings.
The girls upstairs are tap dancing in high heels I think because it sounds like a stampede of high heels and I don't think thats what it is so it must be a tap dance off in high heels. Silly girls.
I can't wait to move.
Thanksgiving in Idaho will be rad.
Adam used to call me trishaface which makes it weird that I named this thing trishaface since I don't really like to think about any of the parts of mine and Adam's relationship that isn't just friends like now. I hate that he's not the kind of guy I would normally like but for some reason I did. He doesn't look or dress like guys that I like, and he most certainly does not act like boys that I like. He is self conscious and yet arrogant... constantly digging for compliments. So insecure that he needs to beg me for compliments but those don't make any difference to him because he is still insanely insecure. Will this blog forever haunt me and remind me of those strange strange days when I became horribly attached to a boy I hardly knew?
As I type, the letters are showing up about a word behind the speed that I am typing them. Its a weird feeling to not see the word you just typed for a while.
I want to get rid of 'Breezy.' I'm tired of having to explain that its just a nickname. One I don't even want. I gave it to myself but now hearing people call me that is a cringe. I wonder if people ever feel that way about the nicknmaes that I give them. I tend to give nicknames a lot. I think its because I like feeling really close to people and nicknames are the best way I know how. Where do nicknames even come from? I've had quite a few nicknames throughout my life. I can't think of one that I would still be okay with people calling me. I guess Trisha is a nickname from Patricia and thats okay.
I think part of my problem this semester is that I'm afraid to let other boys in because I dont want to like any of them as much as I like/d Jaxon. Lately though, I've been thinking a lot about whether I really loved Jaxon as much as I made myself think I did or whether it was just a relationship I needed at that point. I don't want to think that because honestly I still feel those lovely feelings for him and I want to think that that really is love as deep as it gets and that I don't have to worry about never falling in love because I have already. But then I don't want to trick myself into thinking that and never allowing myself to really truly fall in love if that wasn't it. Sometimes when I get to thinking about all this lovey dovey stuff, I get all panicky inside [like I do when I think about what I want to major in...] and then I just need to clear my mind and remind myself that I am 19... still a teenager! and I have so much time to figure out all my feelings.
The girls upstairs are tap dancing in high heels I think because it sounds like a stampede of high heels and I don't think thats what it is so it must be a tap dance off in high heels. Silly girls.
I can't wait to move.
Thanksgiving in Idaho will be rad.
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