hi. how are you?

i started painting my dresser.















can you see it? can you? i'm pretty satisfied.

i started work today as well. this is the first day of my life. actually, if i could pick a day to be the first day of my life, it hasn't happened yet. every option just seems like a bad way to start a life. things are getting better though. i do enjoy waking up and having responsibility. i enjoy knowing i can pay for things myself. and even some days, i wake up and i don't wish i was someone else.

i want to read a book that makes me thiiiink. middlesex is good but it hasn't led me to any new conclusions on life like rant and the bell jar did.

just now i tried to decide which of those two books [which i just recently read] changed my life more [or made me think about it more] and i honestly can't decide.

somehow this turned into a long rant about books when i really just want to write about you. but its better that i don't.

if i hurt someone else...

today my family had a bonfire in our back woods and we roasted marshmallows. i'm so jealous of jen because i cannot wait until i find someone that i want to share those happy family moments with.
today i was looking at pictures of jaxon and i. i couldn't help it but it made me sick to my stomach. i felt one of those feelings of regret that you feel when you look back at ex-boyfriends and wonder what it was about them that made you so obsessed. i don't want to feel that. i wish he was here so that i could just feel that obsession and not this obsession with replacing him.
















i used to paint. i painted this.