river so deep.

i don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight.

and by that i mean i don't want to.

i started to go to sleep just now and had the beginnings of two horrible dreams:

1. maybe you should go home. i don't feel like putting the whole dream here but there is part of it. the important part that killed me.

2. i was going to grandpa's funeral. only it was in richmond where grandpa weber's funeral was. so i get there and andrea is there and she's crying really hard and i think, wow i didn't know andrea knew grandpa so well. so then i go and hug her and i look around and there is emily watkins, and ashley devereux, and joe roberts, and matt hoyt, and i'm walking around looking for my family because i still haven't seen one family member. just high school friends. so then, i'm walking through this graveyard and i see bob kneeling by a headstone and crying. and i walk up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and then i know: the funeral was for jen. not grandpa. jen please don't die. that was a traumatizing dream.