My mom’s heart is failing.

I just finished watching live free or die hard. Sometimes all you need is a good action movie.

Blood!

Guns!

Explosions!

Car crashes!

There was one part that actually made me cry. Bizarre huh. A truck hit something and the driver’s head hit the windshield and it broke into a spider web design. And then I remembered that I did that to my little sister. The tears flowed. Shamelessly. So what if I’m sitting on an airplane watching Bruce Willis kick ass? I felt like crying.

A week and a half. Lasted longer than I ever imagined. But once it started, I must admit I got wrapped up in it and honestly thought it would last. ‘the beginning of a great thing.’ Maybe next time we can both be a little more mature. I can’t help but blame myself for part of it although I can’t see that I did anything wrong.

She hugged me before I left. I guarantee she’ll call sometime and act as if nothing happened. Why does she do that to me? False hopes and false dreams. Last night I dreamt that she didn’t go to my wedding. I kept walking around at the reception looking for her and every time I thought I saw her back, I would go tap her on the shoulder and it would just be my dad. And he would tell me, “she really does love you.”

Nyquil: No dreams.

Benadryl: Peaceful dreams.

Sleeping pills: Nightmares.

Nothing: No sleep.